Therapy dogs in need of therapy
Reading Time: < 1 minuteThe RU Therapy dogs have called off their program due to a cohort of dogs needing therapy themselves. The four-legged cuties have been smoking cannabis and drinking Canadian...
View ArticlePrint is dying, and you’re letting it happen
Reading Time: 2 minutesBy Skyler Ash This week’s parody issue is pure trash. It’s been carefully written and painstakingly laid out to appear on stands before you so that you can pick it up, flip...
View ArticleThousands of people are reading our fun stories, thinking they’re real. Why?
Reading Time: 3 minutesBy Skyler Ash Describe yourself in one word. Are you smart? Are you kind? Are you loyal? I’m funny. If there’s one thing that’s always been true about me, it’s that I can make...
View ArticleHow to be a perfect significant other
Reading Time: 2 minutesBy Lena Green I am the perfect girlfriend. The best significant other in the whole world. I’m terrific, let me tell you. I mean, I’m not in an actual relationship yet, but that’s...
View ArticleMathlete suspended for athletic ineligibility
Reading Time: 2 minutesBy Réal Numbers Ryerson’s three-person arithmetic team is struggling to deal with the aftermath of a significant subtraction. On Tuesday, an investigation by the university’s...
View ArticleRats back on campus
Reading Time: < 1 minute Ryerson University’s campus has seen an influx* (*big word for more) of rats on campus this year than ever before. In fact, there are 30 per cent more rats hanging around...
View ArticleWelcome to the Eyersonian
Reading Time: 2 minutesBy Emerald Bensadoun Fun overlord here: Welcome to The Eyersonian. If you’ve picked up this year’s parody issue, you’ve probably noticed that it looks suspiciously like (but not...
View ArticleRye student still set to graduate even after not attending class since 2014
Reading Time: 3 minutesBy Dylan Freeman-Grist Adam Wescott was surprised when he received a phone call from Ryerson’s administration early last Tuesday asking if he was planning on graduating. “I think...
View ArticleRyerson new year newsletter miraculously escapes spam filter
Reading Time: 2 minutes By Apurba Roy In an exclusive find, The Eye has obtained a never-before-seen newsletter sent by the Ryerson administration: Dear students, Oh wait, you’re actually reading...
View ArticleCorporations wishing you a Happy Valentine’s Day
Reading Time: 2 minutes By Yousef Al Khodari The Eyeopener had the privilege of sitting down with your favourite corporations and getting a special Valentine’s Day message from each of them to you....
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